June 29, 2021


But, I DO know having a good sex life with your significant other can make your world better, wonderful in fact!

Sex offers a lot of benefits outside of pleasure, and there are many reasons why having sex is good for your brain, body, and relationship.


Many people have emotional motivations for having sex. There are a variety of emotional benefits of sex, including:

  • It could improve your self-confidence.
  • It could help you bond with your partner, and it could be a way of expressing love and care for them.
  • It can relieve stress.
  • It releases natural endorphins


Sex can be good for your body and physical health, too. For example, some research suggests that sex can:

  • Boost immune function. 2004 study showed that people who had sex more frequently had better immune systems.
  • Be a form of light exercise. A 2013 study showed that we get a surprisingly good workout from having sex.
  • Improve heart health. A 2010 study found that having regular sex may reduce the risk of developing heart disease.
  • Boost cognitive function. A 2016 study found that sexually active people aged 50 to 90 years old had better memory.
  • Soothe headaches. A 2013 study showed that sex can relieve migraines or cluster headaches.

This doesn’t mean that people who abstain from sex will definitely become physically ill or struggle emotionally — it just means that people who have sex may also see improvement in other areas.

Sex can create an intimacy feedback loop

A 2017 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that there’s a connection between frequent sexual activity and overall well-being.

It also shows that sex predicts affection and affection, in turn, predicts frequency of sexual activity. In other words, more sex leads to more sex.

So, if you want to have sex, the best thing to do is to have more sex! It might sound silly, but it ultimately can improve your sex drive and overall sex life.

But sex isn’t the only way to have intimacy with your partner

We often equate sex with intimacy. But while sex can be a great form of intimacy, it’s certainly not the only way to be intimate with someone.

Affectionate touch, for example, can be a great way to be intimate. Some non-sexual forms of physical intimacy include:

Beyond physical intimacy, emotional intimacy — including honest, vulnerable conversations — can also be important to many people when it comes to relationships.

One thing’s for sure: Sexual compatibility is important

It can be difficult to deal with a situation where one person feels that sex is essential in a relationship while the other person doesn’t want to have sex.

Similarly, it can be difficult if one person has a high libido while the other person has a low libido.

Both scenarios can be identified and dealt with if the reasoning is hormone levels.

It’s normal to experience some changes over time

A number of things can cause your libido to change over time, according to Mayo Clinic.

Here are some potential reasons for a low libido:

  • Stress. Stressful events, and stressful lifestyles, might dampen your sex drive.
  • Relationship difficulties. Arguments, dishonesty, and a lack of trust could lead to a lower libido.
  • Age. Your libido might change as you age.
    Hormonal changes. Menopause, pregnancy, and other events cause hormonal changes, which can in turn affect your libido.
  • Medication. Many medications list changes in libido as a side effect.
  • Certain medical conditions. Arthritis and coronary artery disease, for example, are linked to a low sex drive.
  • Trauma. Traumatic experiences cause psychological stress, which can lead to difficulties with libido.

If a low libido is bothering you, it’s something you CAN fix (for most people).

Not wanting sex doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, and it’s not necessarily a problem to fix, unless it’s causing you distress.

Underlying clinical causes for a low libido can often be treated — or you may find that your libido returns to its previous state over time. There are also a number of natural ways to boost your libido.

But incompatibility may not work in the long term

Some people don’t mind waiting for a partner’s libido to return. Others don’t mind meeting their partner’s libido and sexual desires and having little to no sex.

Some may struggle with a lack of sex in the long term. It can be tough to manage this when sex is very important to you and not important to your partner.

So, if you and your partner seem sexually incompatible, it’s important to talk about it. It may be possible to remedy the situation so that you are both happy.

If you feel like you’ve gotten off track, try this

Communicating about intimacy is essential. It’s important to talk to your partner if your sexual desires are changing.

It might be that your sex life seems to have stagnated for no particular reason. Sometimes, a romantic weekend away, a new sex position, or just talking about one another does the trick.

The 5 Love Languages

It COULD be that you’re barking up the wrong tree to accomplish sex and intimacy.

When it comes to a person’s love language, we often give what we WANT.  This is usually a bad idea considering your partner may not share your love language.  It’s important to find out what each other’s are.  Then learn how to meet these needs head on.

The Love Language Explanation

A Closer Look at the Love Languages

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five primary love languages that people speak. These include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Here is an overview of the five love languages and how people feel loved through each of them.

Words of Affirmation

In simple terms, the words of affirmation love language is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone’s primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement. They also enjoy uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person’s day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.

Quality Time

Love and affection are expressed through this love language when someone gives someone else their undivided attention. This means putting down the cell phone and turning off the tablet, making eye contact and actively listening. People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity. So, when you get together, they feel loved if you are present and focused on them. Make sure that you make eye contact, affirm what the other person is saying, and refrain from offering advice.

Physical Touch

A person with this love language feels loved through physical affection. Aside from sex, those who have physical touch as their primary love language feel loved when their partner shows physical affection in some way like holding their hand, touching their arm, or giving them a massage at the end of the day. Additionally, their idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partners physically.

Acts of Service

When someone’s primary love language is acts of service, they feel loved and appreciated when people do nice things for them. Whether it’s helping with the dishes or putting gas in the car, little acts of service go straight to the person’s heart. They love when people do little things for them and often can be found doing little things for others.

Receiving Gifts

To a person whose love language is receiving gifts, gift-giving is symbolic of love and affection in their mind. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift giver put into it. What’s more, they do not necessarily expect large or expensive gifts, the love language receiving gifts is more what is behind the gift that appeals to them.

In other words, when you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it communicates to them that you really know them. Additionally, people with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.


How Relationships Benefit from Love Languages

We all express and feel love differently. Consequently, understanding those differences can make a serious impact on your relationship. In fact, according to Dr. Chapman, it is one of the simplest ways to improve your relationships. Here are some other ways that the five love languages can improve your relationship.

Promotes Selflessness

When you are committed to learning someone else’s love language, you are focused on their needs rather than your own. And, this is the central premise of Dr. Chapman’s theory. Couples should work to learn their partner’s love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs.

Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other. But the entire purpose of the love languages is that you would learn how to love your partner in a way that makes sense to them.

Creates Empathy

As couples learn more and more about how their partners experience love, they learn to empathize with someone who is different from them. It helps them step outside of themselves for a moment and take a look at what makes another person feel significant and loved.

Consequently, when couples are committed to learning and utilizing the love languages they increase their emotional intelligence and learn how to put someone else’s needs above their own. Instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner will understand.

Maintains Intimacy

If couples regularly talk about what keeps their love tanks full, this creates more understanding—and ultimately intimacy—in their relationship. They not only learn more about one another, but they also connect with one another in deeper and more meaningful ways. And, when this happens, their relationship begins to feel more intimate.

Aids Personal Growth

Anytime someone is focused on something or someone outside of themselves, this leads to personal growth. Too many times society encourages people to become self-absorbed and unaware of anyone or anything outside of themselves. But because Dr. Chapman’s five love languages require people to love others in ways that are outside their comfort zone, they are forced to grow and change.

Shares Love in Meaningful Ways

When couples start speaking one another’s love language, the things they do for their partners not only become more intentional but they also become more meaningful. Part of this has to do with the fact that they are saying “I love you” in ways that make sense to their partner. And, when they do that, their partners feel content and happy.

Key Points to Remember

According to Chapman, the love languages also apply to your relationships with your kids, your co-workers, and even your friends. But, they may vary somewhat. For instance, you may prefer quality time, but with your sister, you prefer words of affirmation.

Your love language also can change occasionally. For instance, if you had a bad day at work, you may prefer a hug from your partner rather than an encouraging word. The key is to regularly communicate and ask what your partner needs to keep their love tank full. Then, put into practice exactly what your partner needs.

Tip of the Day

Go visit www.5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to better understand yourself as well as your partner.  If you feel like you’ve got a pretty good handle on meeting his/her needs, but still suffer from a lack luster sex life.  Maybe it’s time to check your hormone levels, check your stress level and  make a few changes!  Cheers to CHECKING things OUT!



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Hi, I'm Clay

I’m one of the founders of Elite Health. We launched EHO to help people experience the best version of themselves. 

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